Better.

I want to be better.

I wish I didn’t get so angry like I do.

I wish I didn’t blame people for when they pushed my buttons.

I wish I didn’t make those buttons at all.

I want to be better.

I wish I could identify my emotions when they arrived.

I wish I could see more points of view.

I wish I could balance my mind and my heart’s desires.

I want to be better.

I wish I didn’t forget all the lessons.

I wish I could remember to take a fucking breath.

I wish I could remember to always chose love first.

I want to be better.

I wish I was more patient with people,

With myself,

With how fast the narrative is being told.

I want to be better,

So when I kick my feet up and relax,

the version that comes out is kind, at peace,

not searching for a fix,

not searching for validation,

not searching for an external plug to an internal hole,

not rushing,

appreciative, trusting,

playful, welcoming.

I wish I was better,

So I could stop trying, trying, trying

All the time.

I wish I was good so I could stop trying to be better.